By Barbara A. Schwartz for Calibre Press
Calibre Press Editor’s note: September is suicide prevention month. With that, thank you to Barbara Schwartz for sharing the following important and timely article.
You can make a difference in an officer’s life by noticing when they are hurting, struggling, or overwhelmed with what life has tossed in their path.
Take a moment. Be your brother’s and sister’s keeper and notice how those around you are faring, coping, and feeling. Sharing and acknowledging someone’s suffering is a special gift that can save a life. You can initiate a conversation by sharing your own struggles. T. H. Thompson said, “Be kind. Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
If a cop you work with is having a bad day, makes a traumatic scene, experiences death or evil, shows signs of frustration or stress, or reacts with anger, ask them how they are doing, if they need to talk, to let it out. Encourage them to share their burdens. Don’t allow them to suffer alone.
If you don’t know what to say, then act. Perform an act of kindness that will make that person feel like you value them. Buy them lunch. Offer to mow their lawn or wash their car. Offer to let them unload a burden onto you.
Notice those around you. By reaching out with your heart you can make a difference in an officer’s life. Noted author George Eliot said: “What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?”
Despair is a very lonely place.
Cops are problem solvers. Cops want to fix what is wrong. Don’t try and fix the problem or suggest solutions to an officer dealing with despair. Only that officer can fix the problem. Tell struggling officers that you believe in them. Sit silently, your arm around them, letting them know they are not facing their troubles alone. Let them know you have noticed their pain. Help shoulder their pain.
Never belittle a person’s pain, instead acknowledge their feelings of despair. You don’t have to agree with or understand their way of thinking. Recognize, without judgement, their pain.
“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” — Sue Patton Thoele, author of “Strength.”
Look for the signs of suicide risk.
Suicide is about hopelessness and stopping pain and suffering. Suicidal ideation is not always indicative of mental illness or depression. Thinking about suicide is indicative of a broken being. An injury that needs to heal.
If officers understood this, they might be more apt to ask for assistance, and not suffer alone.
When an officer is hurting, distressed, or feeling hopeless, they hide it, and if they show it, the signs are subtle.
Like not requesting backup when justified and disregarding backup that has been dispatched. They may no longer care about their job performance or their appearance. After a long bout of depression, they may become inexplicably joyful and happy because they have made the decision to end their pain.
Never leave a potentially suicidal officer alone.
Never state that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. A person who is hurting doesn’t see the problem as temporary. Never tell a person, “that’s life and just get over it.” They see the problem as never having an ending.
Suicide overrides our survival programming.
Our brains are wired for survival. To end one’s own life, a person has to overcome the brain’s natural instinct to survive. That innate wiring has to be short-circuited.
How does a human get there? Hopelessness. A desire to end their overwhelming pain and suffering. A feeling that they have no value. When it feels harder to live, struggle, and suffer, then to die.
When their will to live has been drained down to empty.
When they feel that suicide gives them the control back they think and feel they have lost.
Search for signs that an officer has let go of that instinct. Override that short-circuit. Replenish their drained coping resources. Show them they have value. But always, always honor their pain.
Cumulative trauma’s link to suicide.
Cops see trauma every day and may not realize how that trauma has affected them. Cumulative trauma can erode coping skills. The cause of an officer’s suicide or suicide ideation is not always personal problems. We have to consider underlying factors and how the job contributed. Suicides can be contagious. One officer’s suicide can breed more suicides within the department.
Should you ask about suicide?
There are differing schools of thought about whether asking if a person is suicidal will put that idea into their head. Many experts maintain the inquiry won’t plant the idea, while others disagree, warning not to bring up the concept to a depressed and suffering individual.
The best approach is to inquire about the feelings that are indicative of suicide ideation. Ask if they feel hopeless or are suffering and in the throes of emotional pain. Ask if they are overwhelmed with despair, if their very being is broken. If you get affirmative answers to those questions, then asking if they have considered harming themselves would be appropriate.
An officer considering suicide had this take on the question. “Depends on how it’s asked. I was asked if I was thinking of hurting myself. I answered truthfully, ‘No, I don’t plan on hurting myself.’ What I didn’t say was that I planned to stop the pain.”
Caught up in our own lives, we fail to notice the pain of others.
We communicate in texts and emails, not with our voice or face-to-face. The emotions behind the words are often lost in the digital divide.
We need to start listening to each other again.
Really listening and taking notice.
Take off your blinders. Notice those around you. Each of us struggles with something in life.
Ernest Hemingway said: “The world breaks us all, and afterward some are strong in those broken places.”
Reach out and help someone who is broken to become strong.
Take time to notice.
Don’t suffer alone.
If you are in pain, reach out to someone you trust and ask them to notice what you are feeling. Extend your hand and ask for support. Share this article as a way to ask for the help that you need.
Seek out a peer support team in your area. If your agency doesn’t have one, try another agency. In most states, peer teams have the same confidentiality protections under the law as therapists, lawyers, and clergy.
You are not less of a cop for reaching out for assistance.
Don’t suffer alone.
Thoughts, advice or experience to share? E-mail us at: editor@calibrepress.com
Copyright ©2023 Barbara A. Schwartz All Rights Reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any manner without the expressed written consent of the author.
Barbara A. Schwartz has dedicated her life to supporting the brave officers of law enforcement. As first a Police Explorer scout and then Reserve Officer, Schwartz served in patrol and investigations. She is certified as a first responder peer supporter by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation (ICISF) and the Law Enforcement Alliance for Peer Support (LEAPS). She completed LEAPS train the trainer program. She maintains specializations in grief, injured officer support, suicide prevention, and traumatic stress injuries.
She has written about the brave officers of law enforcement for 30 years. Her articles and book reviews have appeared in American Police Beat, The Thin Blue Line, Command, The Tactical Edge, Crisis Negotiator Journal, Badge & Gun, The Harris County Star, The Blues, The Shield, The Police News, PoliceOne.com, and Calibre Press Newsline.
She maintains memberships in the National Tactical Officers Association (NTOA) and the International Law Enforcement Educators and Trainers Association (ILEETA). She has supported the Houston Police Officers’ Union for thirty years and helped establish their peer support team. Schwartz is a veteran of thousands of hours of training and ride-alongs. She has been involved with and supported Calibre Press since 1999. She has attended many of their outstanding classes.
