From Calibre Press | calibrepress.com
When police officers are involved in traumatic events, their children’s reaction to the emotional distress that often follows can unfortunately be overlooked. Assumptions can be made that the event won’t impact them to any great degree because they weren’t directly involved…and their kids, and “kids are resilient and quickly move on to play with their friends.” Right? Well, maybe not.
Just as it is important for you, as a police officer, to be aware of and prepared for the troublesome emotional reactions and behavioral anomalies that can surface in the wake of a critical incident, it’s just as important to be aware of and alert for the symptoms of trauma in your children.
The symptoms exhibited by children in response to trauma vary with the developmental stage of the child, points out a professor at a Texas university. Very young children, from birth until age 1, may have no reaction to a high-impact incident like a shooting. More critical for these children is the symptomatic reaction of their parents. If a parent becomes highly anxious, withdraws emotionally, begins spending less time at home, abuses alcohol or drugs, or exhibits unpredictable mood swings, these behaviors become the source of emotional maladjustment for the child.
Symptoms of traumatic stress in children of this age tend to be limited to increased fussing, crying and general agitation, as well as delays in learning new and expected developmental skills, such as recognizing and using simple words or crawling and walking. You should use caution in rushing to the conclusion that minor developmental delays indicate symptomatic behavior, however, as it can be normal for some children to experience such delays.
Preschoolers, ages 2-5 yrs., are able to grasp some concepts associated with traumatic events that occur to others, but their ability to fully understand the nature of these events remains limited. When children in this age group are experiencing symptoms of traumatic stress, they are often unable or unwilling to tell their parents. They may not have the ability to put their feelings into words or they may be afraid to tell their parents because they feel responsible for the traumatic event.
Behavioral signs of traumatic stress in preschoolers include:
— Anxious, clingy behavior. Following parents around. Emotional scenes at times of separation, such as when a parent leaves for work or when the child is left at day care.
— Regressive behaviors such as bed wetting, crawling instead of walking, using baby talk, thumb sucking, or refusing to go to bed at night.
— Nightmares.
— Aggressive behavior directed toward their toys, playmates, siblings or parents.
— Ill-warranted thinking associated with the traumatic event (“My mommy got hurt because I was bad.”)
— Repetitive talk and/or play, often re-creating the traumatic event as they imagine it to have happened.
Elementary school children, ages 6-12 yrs., are much more aware of the world and have a far greater ability to grasp the nature of traumatic events that happen to their parents. Being more aware and having greater social contacts apart from the family than younger children, elementary age children gather more information about adult problems and events in the world than many parents imagine. Attempts to shield these children from information about the world is largely ineffective. What they don’t discuss with their parents, they will hear from their peers.
It is better that children hear about events from their parents who can put the event into context. It is not advisable for a child’s initial exposure to information to come from classmates in the oversimplified form of child communication (“Your dad shot a man. Your dad is a murderer.”)
Signs of stress in elementary school age children include:
— A significant decline in school performance, characterized by distractibility and difficulty concentrating (often misdiagnosed as attention deficit disorder).
— Sleep disturbances, including difficulty falling asleep, waking in the middle of the night and/or nightmares.
— Regressive behaviors including clinging, crying, and other reactions they have outgrown.
— Temper tantrums, aggressive play, oppositional behavior resisting adult authority.
— Complaints of physical illness.
— Nervousness, difficulty keeping still, exaggerated startle reflex.
— Withdrawal, isolation.
— Reckless play, risk-taking.
Teens, age 13-18 yrs., often exhibit moods swings and acting-out behaviors in the wake of traumatic events. When faced with trauma in the family, teenagers tend to have the maturity and life experience to fully appreciate the event and place it in its proper context. However, their emotional reactions can range widely and erratically, from those of mature adults to those of much younger children.
Signs of stress in teenagers include:
— Withdrawal from adults, secrecy, feeling that only peers can understand.
— Alcohol/drug abuse, sexual acting out, truancy, abandonment of important goals such as college or occupational preparation, “giving up” on an uncertain future.
— Outbursts of temper, fighting, property destruction, revenge fantasies.
— Mood swings without significant provocation.
— Regressive behaviors including clinging, following parents around to ensure the parents are safe, and the need for greater emotional reassurance.
— Insisting, instead of suggesting, that parents find a safer line of work.
— Preoccupation with death-themed music, books and art.
Parents of teenagers reviewing these symptoms might recognize that many of them are characteristic of “normal” teenage behavior. The difference between normal and symptomatic at this age is a matter of duration and degree. Should you detect any significant change in your teenager’s behavior immediately following a traumatic event, it is likely there is a connection.
What Can Parents Do?
The first step in helping your child after a traumatic event is to be aware of any of your own symptomatic behavior and to ensure it is under control. Good intentions are not enough. An excellent parent in the midst of a traumatic stress reaction is not going to be very effective in helping a frightened child.
Remember that children of all ages often have difficulty expressing their fears in words. They tend to act out in regressive ways. These regressive behaviors are an attempt to secure a more intensive level of nurturing and attention from parents. Lecturing or punishing at these times is exactly the wrong response. Showing love, acceptance, encouragement and assistance with problem solving will help extinguish regressive acting out.
Take your children’s fears seriously. Never laugh at them or tell them they “shouldn’t feel that way.” Acknowledge that life is sometimes scary. Offer reassurance. Teach them what you have learned about calming fear when you are afraid.
Don’t try to protect your child from an awareness of evil in the world. Help your child understand evil in age-appropriate ways and to learn survival skills. Children who develop survival skills gain a sense of confidence.
Talk to your children about death. From an early age, they are exposed to death through the media and in life around them. A pet may die, or a grandparent, or a classmate. Do not use phrases like “went to sleep” or “left us.” Children who hear this type of explanation may become fearful of going to bed or may feel that Grandpa left because he didn’t love them.
Be honest in your explanations. Encourage your children to talk about their feelings and answer their questions. Remember that death is a complex concept. Let them guide the level of your explanation with their questions.
Be realistic in your reassurance. If your child asks if you will die, answer truthfully but add that “I don’t plan to die for a long, long time.” If your child asks if you will be killed at work, emphasize that you are careful, well-trained and work with other officers who will help you stay safe. Do not tell your child that you will not die or will not be killed at work. Should your death occur after such a reassurance, your child may experience that as a betrayal.
If you are aware that your name will be used in the media or if there is a high-profile situation involving another officer, such as a line-of-duty death, break the news to your child in person, if possible. Encourage and answer questions. When an incident occurs, help your child maintain a sense of security by keeping routines such as bedtime and mealtime rituals as normal as possible.
Finally, seek professional assistance if your child’s behavior changes radically after a traumatic incident or if the behavior change persists over time. Remember, some degree of symptomatic post-trauma behavior is normal in children as well as adults.
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